Imaginary
by Lotr Addicted
Summary: To choose or not to choose, that is the question.


_**Author's note: In spite of my better judgement, I am posting this short non-story since I have nothing better to do at this moment. It's how I imagined Caroline would be after graduation. Agree or disagree, I would love to hear (or better read) your thoughts on this.**_

_**Sadly, I still own nothing related to TVD.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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I stare at the moonless night from my bedroom window. It is so dark even my vampire sight is not enough to make out the shapes emerged in the black slumber.

The noises of the night are my only companions. Those and my thoughts, though I'd rather escape from the latter, their grip almost deadly to the fragile control I have on myself right now.

A few days after graduation and I'm still stuck here in Mystic Falls. This is not how I had imagined this moment. Elena, Bonnie and Ι were supposed to go to college together. We made countless plans to decorate our dorm room, to make a fresh start and enjoy life. Two vampires and a witch, college would be nothing short of fun and adventure.

I should have known better. It was too perfect to be true. Elena missed the deadline and won't be attending college for at least a year. And a year in our little hell is too much time to make plans. I am surprised she even got away with her sanity intact.

The worst of it all is that Bonnie is gone. Her loss weighs upon my soul and I can no longer enjoy the little things that made my life beautiful. I miss her too much already. My heart aches when I recall her face at graduation. She was in tears and I thought she was just being emotional. Never did it cross my mind she was treasuring her last moments with the friends she loved.

I want to cry and scream at the top of my lungs. But I have to remain strong. Elena has just gotten her humanity back and she is too fragile. It falls on me to be the strong one.

Stefan went away after losing to Damon. I can't blame him, staying here and watching his epic love find happiness in the arms of his brother is too much even for my brooding friend.

And Damon? He is basically the only one left to take care of everything. I guess I have to help him. I wouldn't admit it to his face but I like the arrogant brute. Despite of how he treated me back when I was human, he has been a friend to me and Elena ever since. Not to mention that he is the one to make her happy, which means I am happy too.

This makes me realise that I rely too much on others around me to be happy. But how can I find happiness when I feel so alone?

After graduation I called Tyler to tell him the wonderful news of his freedom. He was just as thrilled as I was and that was the only thing that kept me going.

Still, a week has passed and he has yet to show at my door. He calls me everyday to say that he loves me, but he has to take care of a few things before he comes back.

I love him too and I have missed him, but this delay is getting on my nerves. I didn't ask for details though curiosity got the best of me. I guess it has to do with his new pack, he can't just disappear into thin air. Though I can't help feeling that I come second in his priority list.

Not that I am insecure, I am Miss Mystic Falls for a reason. It's just that lately coming second seems to be my thing. Even Klaus seems to have decided to move on.

The thought makes me laugh, a bitter laugh that doesn't reach my tired eyes. Why shouldn't he move on? He confessed his feelings for me and all I did was stand there. I never gave him hope, nothing to keep him here in Mystic Falls.

_He is your first love, I intend to be your last, however long it takes._

His velvet voice still haunts me. I have been playing this scene over and over in my head. What can I say? I am flattered that a handsome devil fancies me. I am a woman, why wouldn't I be?

Whenever he speaks to me, those blue gray eyes make me feel like I am the only one worthy of his intention. But he is a ruthless killer. Those same magnificent eyes that capture mine like in a dream, have witnessed the light die out in the eyes of countless victims. Not to mention people dear to me, to my friends.

I am annoyed at myself. Why am I even losing my time thinking of Klaus? He has plans far bigger than my small insignificant existence. To be honest, I kind of envy him for having seen the world, for knowing what he wants to do with his life. I don't agree with the way he sees his plans through without caring about the blood path he leaves behind.

But then who ever asked for my opinion? Unless it has to do with prom or an event that I know how to organize, my opinion is rarely relevant. The Salvatore brothers always lay down the strategy for our next moves, Elena always messes it up while trying to save everyone, Bonnie is … was the one to back us up when things went bad, Matt is the usual human sacrifice. Me? I am the blonde distraction of course, Vampire Barbie.

Damon makes jokes about it, but deep down it kind of insults me. I am more than a pretty blonde bimbo that can only be used as bait. I never complained though. I would give my life for my friends as they would give theirs for me. If this is how I can help, then I'm fine.

I just fear of becoming that image in the end, a shallow woman who is only good as long as the distraction lasts. And I feel used, because I am aware of the fact that Klaus knows I am bait and still lets me do my part.

It must be amusing for him to play cat and mouse with me. I am but a toy to him, he now fancies me but will not hesitate for a second to take my life to make his point. He has already done so, though he saved me in the end.

Was it pity? Was it because he would lose the only person who can pretend to stand him while not stabbing him in the back?

Not that I've not tried to. We have plotted for so long to get rid of the Original Hybrid that I have lost count. It became like an unwritten routine: good morning, smile, plot to kill Klaus, fail, goodnight.

There is but a slight problem with this, but I am sure nobody has noticed. During my missions I caught a glimpse of the man underneath the mask of death. Klaus may be the Devil and he deserves to be punished for all the pain that he has brought to my friends.

But deep down he is just like us, just like me. He is lonely. If I consider just for a second that he has lived a millenium being despised or feared by his own family, I find it hard to see how he can keep his humanity intact.

A part of me knows this is not a justification. Elijah lives by a code of honor and does not kill recklessly. Klaus on the other hand …

A soft breeze plays with my curls and snaps me out of my trail of thought. Why on earth am I thinking about Klaus? His reasons are none of my business.

I loathe him for all the evil he brought in Mystic Falls. I am grateful to him for saving me several times and for saving Damon's life … twice. I feel sorry for him for not having anyone to share his view of the world. I pity him because the only friend he has is a fake, a distraction. I fear him because he is a man with nothing to lose.

Lately, to my surprise, we have come closer. Even though I only pretended to be interested in his memories, his thoughts, his feelings, I somehow grew accustomed to hearing his soothing voice tell tales of years beyond memories.

Then there are the gifts. The jewelry, the dresses, the royal manners and the charm. Here in the quiet of my room, away from the judging eyes of my friends I can look at the bracelet he gave me and admire its beauty. It is a piece of art so frail, so divine yet so robust.

It does not matter where it came from. The bracelet itself has no other purpose than to make me feel unique, praised and adored. Klaus's affections are nothing new to me or to the Gang, as he calls us. He does not seem to be phased by the fact that I am in love with Tyler.

No, that's not entirely true. He was dangerously irritated with Tyler being with me, that's why he sent him in exile. Yet he somehow managed to surprise me and gave Tyler his freedom back.

I am confused by his behaviour. He promised to show me the world and offered me a choice to be by his side. The thought repulsed me at the time.

_Repulsed_. I wonder if I still feel the same. I'm not saying I want to be with Klaus, for God's sake. It just does not seem so horrible anymore. I am sure it has nothing to do with the luxurious gifts and the promise of beauty unravelled before my eyes.

I like jewelry, that's a fact. But I would rather give them back and have safety instead. I would much rather like Klaus to be a honest, not bent on killing everything that moves hybrid.

I remember when we were at the ball how he could be a really charming man. His smile that night caught me unaware. It was genuine and even hinted at happiness. And then we talked all night and for a few hours I forgot he was the enemy.

He never forgot I was … am his enemy, but for some inexplicable reason he chose to ignore that fact. I still wonder if it is because he has feelings for me.

But how can that be? I am a small town 18 year old girl, a baby vampire compared to his thousand years of age. I have seen nothing of the world, while he has gotten tired of the world. He must have met thousands of ravishing women capable of giving him what he needed.

A slight sting of jealousy makes me uncomfortable. What is the point of me feeling competitive to all the women in the world that might catch Klaus's attention?

He is the one chasing me and I am the one rejecting him. That's because I have a boyfriend whom I love and who loves me. We had our ups and downs, but that's life. Tyler is coming back as soon as he cuts loose ends.

I assure myself that is all there is to his delay. I lie down on my pillows and hug my favorite stuffed animal. The lovely thing has seen me at my worst and at my best.

I mentally scorn myself for thinking so much. For thinking so much of Klaus. He has no place in my life, no place in my mind and definitely no place in my heart. I am a simple girl with a simple life.

I love Tyler. I hate Klaus. End of story. The voice in my head tells me that I am hiding behind my finger. Sure, I hate Klaus, but there's a lot more where these feelings are coming from.

For a moment I let myself think of a version of the world where me and Tyler are just friends. I care for him so I would never wipe him out of existence even in my dream world. I know him since we were kids so it's not difficult to place him in the friend zone.

That leaves me with the dilemma of whether I would have Klaus by my side or not. It is but a harmless game, why not give it a thought?

Klaus came to my graduation and saved the day. I think at that moment, when I saw his smiling but deadly face chasing the witches away, my heart did a funny thing. I was so happy to see him that I almost ran into his arms. That crazy desire was so intense that only years of practising to be the perfect Miss Mystic Falls saved me from giving in.

And then he did the most selfless thing he has done since I met him. He gave me back to his rival. Somehow I could tell it was not because he got tired of chasing me. Or was it just wishful thinking?

And then he went back to New Orleans. He told me he would be just a phone call away if I needed help. I believed him. But somehow that's not enough. Even though I'm the one that made this choice, it feels like being left behind.

I sigh, tired of wandering in my mind's labyrinth. I keep losing the way and it's frustrating.

I have been thinking about Klaus for way too long. I already have a boyfriend and now that he is free to return to me is not the best time to think about another guy. Couldn't I have just a normal relationship like any other young woman? Of course not, because I am not your average young woman.

However … My mind plays nasty tricks. For some reason I envision myself standing in the middle of a crossroad. I am not alone, otherwise what would be the point of it all?

On my right I see Tyler. Tall, dark and handsome, the body of an athlete, the temper of a werewolf. On my left I see Klaus. Sandy hair, mesmerizing blue eyes, regal air … a devil with an angel's face. In front of me there stands Elena. A puzzled look on her face, not encouraging but neither judgemental. Behind me there is Stefan, brooding green eyes staring at me.

So, we are all set. I have not allowed any of them to talk just yet. I am not sure if I want them to say anything to me. After all this is my game, I make the rules. But I was never one to keep the silence.

I nod and they start talking, their voices like gushes of wind to my ears. I try to understand what they're saying.

Tyler: "Come on Care, you know I am Mr. Right. We're perfect for each other. Come with me."

I turn towards Klaus. I guess he will want to say something to his hybrid's declaration. He just stands there, a knowing smile on his handsome face. "As long as it takes, love."

Ahhhh I hate it when he calls me love. Uhmm … no, I actually don't. His husky voice when he whispers that word makes me want for him to mean it.

I then turn to Elena. She has been talking for a while now but I was too busy watching the Original Hybrid to notice. Her voice reaches my ears. "What are you doing Caroline? Why is he even here?" she asks annoyed pointing at Klaus.

I am still not answering to anyone. But if I want to be fair, I have to hear Stefan's opinion as well. He is a very good friend and probably the only one able to understand me.

He just tilts his head to the left and, his face serious, says. "You don't need me to show you the path to happiness."

Stefan the diplomat. He is not helping. Should I exchange him with Damon instead? No, not really. He will start with the Vampire Barbie crap and will only make me angry.

The faces of my game's players are demanding an answer of me. What was the question again? I don't remember why did I summon them.

I retreat deeper in my mind. Who should I choose? Do I get to change my mind?

I am a logical person, I always think things thoroughly and never make rash decisions. This is no different.

Tyler is right, we are perfect for each other. I have known him for many years and there are few things about him that can still surprise me. I could live without his werewolf temper, but hey, that's what makes him who he is. He is the boy of my dreams.

Klaus on the other hand is unpredictable. Sometimes I fear him, sometimes I crave for him to show me the world. I am a vampire, the world is mine for the taking as long as I want it. I just need someone to see it with me, to cherish my childish joy at nature's marvels, to admire with understanding all man's achievements. Is he the man of my dreams?

Elena asked me why he is even here. Circumstances, fate and the Gang's plans pushed me on his path. I never intended for him to become my friend, let alone harbor feelings for him. In the beginning I thought it was only hate. Now I know it is much more than this.

Elena is stubborn. She continues talking to me even though the others remain silent. "Don't you see he is evil? He has brought nothing but pain to us. He is a killer. He is a monster. He is unworthy of your love."

Why on earth is she talking about love? I never said I love Klaus. Of course he is a killer, of course he is a monster. As I said to him once, terrible people do terrible things. But who are we to judge?

I have been a vampire for merely two years and I was surrounded by people that loved and supported me. Still I killed a man and twelve witches in my days. Elena herself had her share with occasional victims when she switched her humanity off.

Stefan the Ripper? Let's not even go there. He suffers for those killings and I believe in the good of his heart. We all love him, but to the families of those he murdered he is still an abomination.

Tyler? I am not so sure about what he has done since he changed but I guess we all have our skeletons in the closet.

And Damon? We all know that if it wasn't for Elena's love he would still be a sadist out of control. I know from first hand experience how ruthless he can be. Yet she loves him. Yet we joke with him and accept him as our friend.

I am not defending Klaus. I'm just saying give us a millenium of absolute power and no natural enemies and we can talk about who's pure and worthy of love. What if he was given a chance to change? Would he want to?

Every girl thinks she can change a bad boy to a Mr. Right. Beauty did save Beast after all.

I am not thinking straight. What does it have to do with Klaus again? This is me trying to decide about my future. The faces of my friends vanish into thin air.

I am probably drifting asleep, since I can't seem to form a logical thought. Maybe it's better this way. I don't need to make a decision right now. I will wait till morning and see what the day brings upon my path.

I am immortal, time is on my side. I will wait for Tyler to come and see if he is indeed Mr. Right. And if he is not, I have plan B. I sound as manipulative as Katherine, but that's how it is. Klaus gave me time, he gave me the opportunity to be absolutely sure about my feelings.

That's what I intend to do. Somehow we both know that he was right that night at graduation. A heavy weight is removed from my heart. I can sleep now. I am not a terrible person. I am just an 18 year old girl trying to find my path. I plan on being happy and as I fall asleep, I unconsciously find myself leaning toward plan B.


End file.
